Fail Messages are in-game remarks on the outcomes that end badly for Henry.

Escaping the Prison Edit

  • NrG Drink: NrG: Side effects include: Nausea, Headaches, Rapid Heartbeat, and possibilities of Stroke/Heart Attack. Hmmm..... Well, that's good to know.
  • Teleporter: You just can't seem to get the hang of that thing can you?
  • Rocket Launcher: Uh.... Way to aim buddy....

Sneaky Ending

  • Window Fail: Protip: Look before you leap.
  • Pole Attack No. 1: You've got the reflexes of a statue. Hint: You can defend yourself by clicking at the alert.
  • Pole Attack No. 2: Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you! There's another guard coming!
  • Belt of Grenades: Uhh... I don't even know what to say about that one...
  • Go Left: Fatty.
  • Rope: This seems awfully familiar....
  • Parachute: I think that was just a regular backpack. See what happens when you assume?
  • Jetpack: Fake: Wow... That was the lamest thing I've ever seen. The animator must have gotten REALLY lazy or something. I mean honestly, that was probably the dumbest FAIL I've seen in this entire movie! So anyway, what do you think about the movie so far? Enjoying it? It's taken quite a while, and as I'm typing this it has yet to be completed. I doubt you'll be able to read this far down unless you figure out a way to pause or do some other sneaky thing. Laaaammmeee!
  • Jetpack: Actual: It takes many hours of Jetpack training before you're able to operate one.

Lame Ending

  • Evidence besides Disguise: "What kind of third-rate lawyer did you hire?"

Badass Ending

  • Opacitator: You'd think something like that would come up in Beta Testing.
  • Guard Chase No. 1: Try dodging the bullets, n00b.
  • Go Up: Don't worry. I heard prison dentists are great!
  • Guard Chase No. 2: It's always a good idea to watch where you are going. Especially if you're running away from the cops....
  • Go Down: lol Brawl reference!
  • Guard Fight: "Come on. You were so close!"

Stealing the Diamond Edit

Aggressive Way

  • Do Nothing 1: Wow.... You're off to a great start... Hint: You've got to use the keyboard for this part.
  • Kick: Well... You got one of the guards.
  • Jump: Jumping off a speeding vehicle may not be the best idea....
  • Do Nothing 2: Good thing the janitors just got done buffing the floor. Could you imagine all the germs you'd be rolling in right now if they hadn't?
  • Lance: Jousting. It's harder than it looks.
  • Mace: Stop hanging around and do something! (Heh heh.... Get it? ..... Ok I'll stop....)
  • Do Nothing 3: C'mon! You don't have time to just stand around....
  • Basket: Ah, torque. I bet you wish you paid more attention in physics class now, huh?
  • Do Nothing 4: I can see all of those hours playing video games has really sharpened your reflexes. Oh wait...
  • Branch: Didn't really think that one through, did ya?
  • Do Nothing 5: BOOM! Headshot.
  • Sticky Grenade: I always wondered how those things work.
  • Do Nothing 6: Dude, do something!
  • Drive: I don't think you're gonna get very far that way.
  • Bribe: Strange.... That usually works.

Undetected Way

  • Jumble Hoppers: Sweet flip, bro.
  • Anti-Gravity Cap: You're lucky! I've always wanted to go to space!
  • Tranquilizer: Whoa! What are the odds of that?!
  • Falcon Punch: Only one man is capable of the Falcon Punch.
  • Invisibility Pill: It's hard to see when you're invisible, no?
  • Drop: Did you really think that was going to work?
  • Portal Gun: I'm surprised you weren't able to get down there with amazing portal technology. It's pretty strange how these portal guns work. I mean it combines the top scientific processes of our time. The portal gun contains a flux quantum generator which propels energy blasts with energy values of 4.23 GW with an average speed approximately 25 m/s. This speed is most effective because it allows energy to be conserved while still maintaining a speed that is appropriate. The external plastic casing on a portal gun is constructed of a high polymer fire proof carbonfiber. This prevents the intense heat of the portal gun from burning the hands of the user. The intense energy causes intense heat. Oh by the way if you want a medal click here. I've heard that scientists still do not know what happens if two portals are placed on top of one another. The last time that was attempted..... Well I'm sure you heard about it on the news.
  • Laser Cutter: U GET CUT! Y U NO BLEED? At the bottom of the screen upside down: A: The laser cauterized it.
  • Cannon: You almost saved it. Almost.
  • Cheese: Wha-W...Why?........Seriously.....?
  • Snap Neck: I told you, man. I TOLD you about stairs!
  • Rifle: Man those first person shooters make it look so easy.
  • Jump: I'm surprised you made it that far with that heavy diamond.

Epic Way

  • Shrink Ray: Man, worms are so much more vicious up close!
  • Liqiudificator: What'd you think was going to happen?
  • Guard Conversation: The conversation can't be THAT interesting.
  • Gun: Quick! Pretend you were joking!
  • Bombshell: Why would they keep live bombs in a museum?
  • Go Up: Hm. Must be a light sleeper.
  • Metroid: Looks like they don't take kindly to orders.
  • Crowbar: Why does that ALWAYS happen?
  • Pokeball: 01100110 01100101 01100001 01110010 00100000 01101101 01101001 01110011 01101001 01101110 01100111 01101110 01101111 (Translation: "Fear missingno")
  • Zero Divided By Zero Button: Sorry, I just went to the bathroom. What'd I mi- Where'd..... Where is everyone?
  • Radioactive Button: Don't feel too bad, he probably camped for the 25 kills he needed to get that nuke.
  • Satellite Button: I couldn't resist

Infiltrating the Airship Edit

Government Supported Private Investigator

  • C4: You know when they blow stuff up and say: 'TAKE COVER!!'? That's why.
  • Acid: I can't stand acid either.
  • Knock: The probably would have let you in if you had Girl Scout Cookies with you.
  • Disguise: Oh congratulations! Happy Father's Day!
  • Transdimensionalizer: You went to the 1st Dimension. It's ok just flip the switch up to go back to.. Oh right...
  • Platform: Targeting system must be a little off.
  • Gravity Bubble: So wait... Does 'Up' increase gravity or does it lift you up into the air?
  • Charles: Hey look! Charles is here!
  • Mind Control: Controlling another person is harder than it looks, ok??
  • Gatling Gun: Wow he didn't even hit the door...
  • Remote Access: Come on and SLAM, and welcome to the JAM!
  • Do Nothing: This isn't a good time Charles..... But still, that sounds crazy!
  • Ninja Star: 'You missed! How could you miss he was three feet in front of you!'
  • Falcon Kick: I think you put too much energy into it that time.
  • Shut off the power: Let's hope the landing gear still has power.
  • I don't need your help: Good Hustle.
  • Flashbang: Wow, that was bright.
  • Sleeping Gas: You snooze you lose. Or I guess in this case you.... Don't snooze you... lose?
  • Banana Bomb: Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun OOoohhhhh BANANA!

Relentless Bounty Hunter/Rapidly Promoted Executive

  • Laser: Newton's 3rd law. One force is actually two forces and they, uh, are the same but they're also different. Yeah..... Something like that.
  • Thruster: Yunno, I really expected you to go faster with those thrusters.
  • Do Nothing 1: "Whoa! That thing is COAL-ossal!
  • Spikes: I see you went with a defensive move. Good choice.
  • Boost: Gotta go fast! Oh by the way there's a ramp to the door.
  • Do Nothing 2: Ok, ok! No more quick time events. How's your head, by the way?
  • Metal Fist: I think it would've been cooler if you turned into a rhino. Rhinos are difficult to draw.
  • Warp: Some are not mentally prepared enough for alternate dimensions.
  • Metal Bend: 'You're a bender, Harry.' - Gandalf
  • Techno Trousers: You forgot to wear the harness, didn't you?


  • Fight: Out of all those options you chose fight? How boring.
  • Blitz: I thought for sure that would've done it.
  • Magic: Gee that.... BackFIRED. 10/10 jokes here folks.


  • Bash: What did you expect hitting him with a yo-yo would do?
  • PSI: I'd be crying if you flashed me too.
  • Defend: The best offense is a good defense' - Somebody Unsuccessful
  • Jet Boots: Jetboots production notes: Find lighter material to construct boots out of.
  • Beef Up: BeefUp! See results in up to 8 seconds!
  • Parachute: Butterfingers
  • Missile: On second thought that might not have been such a good idea...

Pure Blooded Thief

  • Joy Buzzer: [Allan please add details]
  • Expanding Foam: I think it said do NOT shake well.
  • Bomb: Should've used the remote bombs.
  • Computer: ..Just one more turn?
  • Elevator: Could've sworn that was an elevator.
  • Teleporter: Well I'd better get going. Have fun here by yourself!
  • Stretch Chewies: That really grinds my gears.
  • Magic Pencil: Why did you draw a 'Nutshot Crawler'?
  • Wizard Magic: ...Rolled a 1...
  • Hack: Watt are you doing? That's quite shocking! I'm glad I'm not in your current situation. I bet you can't wait to go Ohm.
  • Power Glove: You look like an idiot...
  • Clawpack: Take care of your bird! Err.... Claw.
  • Gravity Gun: I think you pulled the wrong trigger. That one launches.
  • Shell: ..What exactly was your plan there?
  • Propane Tank: Hank Hill Quote. ..Tell yah-what.
  • Umbrella: Maybe a spoonful of sugar will make you feel better.
  • L. Cut MK 1: We'll take our problems and PUSH them somewhere else!
  • D.E.B.: (no message)
  • G.A.B.E.N.: error: stack overflow System.IO.FileNotFoundException: Could not find file C:\Program Files\HL3\GABEN.dll Dump cache;

Lightning Quick Larcenist

  • Ball 'n Chain: A winner is you!
  • Zero-Point Energy: I don't really know where you were planning to put that.

Fleeing the Complex Edit

  • Play Dead: Pretty convincing there.

Convict Allies

  • Distract: I... Wh... I just.. Whaat.
  • Bounce Bros: Did you really need to be extravagant?
  • Tall Guy: I don't see how being taller was supposed to help there.
  • GraviToR v2.0: Newton's 6th Law. Use the gravity knob to reset gravity to the default setting.
  • Judo Throw: That's about the teamwork I expected.
  • Henry: Grenade, Ellie: Taser: Electricity + Grenade = Crazy Explosion apparently.
  • Henry: Grenade, Ellie: Crossbow: If he goes down he's taking you with him!
  • Henry: Sniper Rifle, Ellie: Crossbow: Let's see that in an instant replay. (Sound Warning)
  • Blend in: What is that guy a detective or something?
  • Pass by: Looks like they bought your disguises.
  • Adrenaline: I guess they do look pretty similar. I see how you could get them mixed up...
  • The KNEE: Whoa whoa whoa! You can't go mixing fighting game references like that!
  • Hole in the fence: Looks like you needed one of these. (Stickman acting as stop/go, tapping a foot.)
  • Truck: Didn't your mother tell you to not get into vans with strangers? I guess this is a truck.

Ghost Inmate

  • Pickpocket: Did you really need all that? No loot left behind!
  • Command Melody: Too bad you didn't know how to play, like, an Ocarina or something.
  • Sprint: Bet you thought that was just a spear.
  • Longshot: The longshot only hooks on to wood things. Luckily you hit one! :D
  • Spring: Come to think of it, those boingers are kinda loud.
  • Bungee: Did... Did you just bungee jump with a plain rope?
  • Button: Lunchtime already fellas?
  • Balance: Oh. That pipe wasn't very sturdy. Fatso..
  • Plunger Boots: aeiou
  • Box: Hey, at least you weren't found!
  • Shadozer: Now you're but a shadow of your former self.
  • Rocket: I think you mixed up the staging process a bit.
  • S.S. Annie: Did you really think none of the crew would notice an unscheduled departure?

Presumed Dead

  • Do Nothing 1: Notice that new timer? Now you know exactly how much time you have before your terrible reflexes are revealed.
  • Speed Shoes: 2 fast 4 you
  • Hide: Oh, you managed to find a cell on your own! What a responsible prisoner.
  • Do Nothing 2: Yunno, I don't think this guy knows what he's saying.
  • Web Throw: Your hands are still covered up you know? Can you even shot[1] web?
  • Tool Gun: Cheaters never prosper.
  • Building: That wasn't scary.
  • Tank: Gee, TANKS a lot.
  • Guard with boxing gloves: TKO
  • Costume: Those guys need to CHILL.
  • Sandwich: This one weird trick will make you SUPER BUFF! Weightlifters HATE him!
  • Do Nothing 3: Not even close, baby.
  • Bail: You should've followed up with a tether from your wrist strapped grapple hook. What do you mean you don't have one of those?
  • Shoot: Eyes on the road, man!
  • Warp Star: This place seems familiar.
  • Airbag: Airbags save lives.
  • Surrender: Maximum security? What an honor!

International Rescue Operative/The Betrayed

  • Teleporter: gg no re
  • Sonic Pulse: That hurt my ears! >:C
  • Fake Illness: What, you don't like your new friends?
  • Cookie: How curious.

International Rescue Operative

  • Bubble Shield: Perfect! Now you won't get hurt.
  • Earthbend: You were doing so well!
  • Snipe: Friendly Fire: ON
  • Charles: Not again! You should know better!
  • Leap down: Report Charles, bad teammate.
  • Tackle the right guard: There goes your ride.
  • Run to the Helicopter: Well that went about as poorly as it could've.

The Betrayed

  • Undercover agent: He spent three years undercover... What a waste.
  • Neurotoxin: Oh, did they forget to hand out your gas mask beforehand?
  • Magnet: Well you see, because of entropy the... uh... Alright, I can't BS my way through this one.
  • Slingshot: This seems like a good place to keep a medal. Click HERE for a medal.[2]

References Edit

  1. Spelled as is in game. Just a typo
  2. Clickable and opens up some dialogue boxes.
Stealing the Treasure Chest (Scratch only)

Window: You punched yourself in the head and a chest fell on you? You must be mutant! The X-Men will want you for your "ability"!

Portal Gun: Hang on. so you entered a portal with no exit? You don't know a thing about technology!

Dive: Note to self: don't swan dive into buildings again.

Run: Wait how did you run yourself into... A black hole

Remote or Do Nothing: Everyone calls you garbage.

Drop Wings: You made his wings dissappear. Why do you do that?

Teleporter: WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwww. (Translaition: You must really hate that thing.)